i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He shit in the fireplace
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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