1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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