im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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