So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my being single is dangerous.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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