I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's never too late to be topless.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
