Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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