I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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