I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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