You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
