So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
