i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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