i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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