I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
