you guys were way drunker than both of me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
