I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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