Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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