nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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