So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she smelled like a LAN party
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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