Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
