So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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