just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
