If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think i have two assholes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
