I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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