I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
