I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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