I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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