Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
