4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
