I think i peed on brittanys purse
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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