In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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