Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
