you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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