i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
