she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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