Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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