you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
