I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
