she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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