covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
