I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
