new low.... made out with someone while peeing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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