I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
