New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
