Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
