Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
