i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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