Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
