We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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