Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
