My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
